


Food Fight

by Nellancholy



Category: League of Legends, RWBY
Genre: Comedy, Food Fight, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5646064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellancholy/pseuds/Nellancholy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The champions of the League of Legends re-enact an iconic scene from the web series RWBY. Done as practice for me writing action scenes,something I rarely do. [If you're unfamiliar with the scene this fic is based on,it's better if you watch (and be dazzled by) it. Searching "rwby food fight" on Youtube should give you what you need.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Food Fight

“ _Ah ha ha ha haaaaaaaa! I'm queen of the castle,I'm queen of the castle!_ ”

Poppy's ear-splitting laughter pierced the air as she surveyed her newly-conquered lunch kingdom from atop a glorious table fortress. After a brief skirmish,every possible pocket of resistance had been stomped out,and the dining hall would be ushered into a new age of glory. If not for...the four impudent rebels standing before (or beneath) her.

Soraka's voice shot back from the other end of the hall,just as shrill and loud.

“ _Justice will be quick! Justice will be painful! It will be..._ _ **DELICIOUS**_ _!_ ”

To drive home the point,she crushed a hapless box of milk in her fist,only the first of many things that would be spilled over the next five minutes.

A wide,predatory grin formed on Poppy's face as she took a moment to savor the pun (and the pain) she and her army were about to deliver.

“Off with their heads!” she growled,leaping onto a lower table as Pantheon,Leona,and Lucian immediately got to work hurling a veritable battery of green objects (that were definitely cabbages and not watermelons),straight at the rebel forces.

Faced with a hail enough to blot out the flourescent lights mounted on the ceiling,Soraka lost her focus,but only for a moment.

“Vi,turkey!” She barked out,to an immediate,and forceful response.

Vi barely had any time to consider the manicure she just got done to start the semester before she found herself rolling forward and plunging her fists into not one,but two roast (and thankfully not stuffed) turkeys conveniently cast to the floor near their position.

Rising to her feet,she cut loose,smashing as many of the flying heads as she could,watching them explode in a glorious shower of leaves as they met her meat-shrouded fists,one by one.

Ahri,who'd been staring blankly at the utterly absurd scene before her up till now,came to the unpleasant realization that while Vi was taking the brunt of the bombardment,she'd be completely open to attacks on her flank.

Grabbing the first things that came to her hands,she dashed in under Vi,swinging wildly at any stray heads that threatened to bowl them over.

Having cleared out the mass of cabbage,Vi planted her feet and thrust her arms out,letting her new set of gauntlets fly loose,straight into Leona's face at 50 kilometers per hour.

Ahri on the other hand was already face to face with Pantheon,before she realised she'd grabbed two remarkably long,stale loaves of bread. Luckily for her,Pantheon was bearing only one.

Using the numerical advantage to swarm Pantheon with blows,she was nevertheless forced to duck under a wide cleave from him,before soaring into the air from a graceful backflip. However,she didn't account for Pantheon's apparent proficiency with bread,and was met with a firm thrust before she'd even landed,sending her barrelling back into a pillar.

In another swift motion,Pantheon turned and hurled the loaf of bread like a javelin,sending Vi to the ground as well.

Taking the advantage nevertheless granted by their initial charge,Soraka leapt over Vi with a lunch tray shield,deflecting a bread javelin launched by Pantheon and attempting a kick straight to his face,only to be pushed back forcefully along the floor as Poppy and Lucian moved up to counterattack.

Fiora,who had hung back until this moment,immediately stepped forward to shield Soraka,slammed a squirt bottle of ketchup onto the ground and stomped,sending out a surging torrent of slippery red at them.

While Lucian couldn't react in time and ended up slipping and crashing into a pile of massed furniture like a bowling ball,Poppy leapt off a table and wrenched out a flagpole from the wall,stabbing it into a hapless watermelon in one smooth gesture to make a hammer before slamming it straight into the ground,generating a shockwave that bowled Soraka and Fiora over.

Turning a cartwheel,Fiora was able to snatch a convenient swordfish off the floor and deliver a swift riposte to Poppy,sending her rolling back several feet.

Hardly fazed,Poppy leapt back into the fray,trading blows with Fiora's surprisingly resilient swordfish before sending Fiora up into the air with a mighty heave,and smashing her straight into a crumbling pillar.

Staggering to her feet,Soraka leapt aside just in time to dodge the falling pillar,and catch the unconscious Fiora in her arms. Caught up in the moment,she couldn't help but be a little melodramatic.

“Fiora! Don't leave me! Noooooooooo!”

Having finally gained her second wind,Vi ran past the dramatic couple,picking her poultry fists back up and making a break the castle,only to be greeted by Lucian,who,apparently unable to find a food item even vaguely resembling a gun,was coming at her with leek daggers instead.

The two clashed in the center of the hall,leeks slicing and meat swinging,though that duel didn't last long.

It took Vi only a few seconds more to duck under a poorly-timed slash and launch Lucian into the air with a fierce uppercut,followed by a leap,and a decisive meteor punch to send him hurtling back into the ground.

Yet,Vi was barely able to get her bearings after that effort before Poppy tried to take yet another swing at her. Vi thought she could put Poppy down the same way,but she was sorely mistaken.

One second,she was realizing that she'd drastically overestimated the reach of her fists without her gauntlets attached,especially next to Poppy's melon hammer.

The next,she was flying through the dining hall roof and straight into the stratosphere.

Ahri took this opportunity to backflip gracefully (again) out of the way of the falling roof tiles and produce a chain of sausages that she whipped dramatically around for a second,before sending the very tip lashing into Poppy,the one blow that was finally able to send her reeling back,and collapsing to the ground.

Ahri heaved a sigh of relief,preparing to turn and help her friends up off the ground,only for an entire vending machine to slam into her back courtesy of Pantheon,pinning her against a wall and taking her out of the fight.

Soraka blinked,taking in the scene before her. Fiora was out,Vi was in low earth orbit,and Ahri was a fox sandwich. So this was what losing felt like. Unless…

The sun was still up,it's light filtering in through the windows,and shining brightly through that newly-created hole in the roof. And what was the sun,if not a particularly close star?

Saying a silent prayer,Soraka cupped her hands,letting a ball of purest starlight gather in her hands. Pointing her palms backwards,she let out a cry as it focused into a massive pillar of energy,carrying her off her feet and straight at the castle at extreme speed,the various strewn and shattered contents of the dining hall whipping in her wake.

Turning the beam forward,she demolished the impregnable fortress and her opposition,splattering them against the far wall in a mass of sauces,juices,and miscellanous leftovers.

Finally emerging victorious,she landed on her feet and turned to the door,expecting to be met with the approval of her friends,but instead seeing a genuinely impressed Wukong,an irate Nami,and the cold disapproval of Headmistress Syndra.

Syndra lifted her hands,encasing the hall in a purple glow as she set to work erasing every trace of the battle that had just taken place. Under her silent command,tables and chairs slid back into place,shattered plates and bent cutlery formed back together and stacked up perfectly,and every stain,scratch and spill vanished without a trace,just in time to receive Vi,crashing through the roof upon her return from the great unknown.

The miscreants who had laid waste to the hall gathered meekly at one of the restored tables,not wanting to risk her ire.

Her icy cold eyes darted over them,practically overflowing with fury,before she finally spoke.

“Children,please. Do NOT play with your food.”


End file.
